Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

There’s nothing wrong (and plenty right) with not wanting to hurt someone, or wanting them to like you even after you convey bad news. Yet holding this as a purpose in the conversation leads to trouble. Just as you can’t change another person, you can’t control their reaction

We must learn to speak in “I” language, to share how we have been inspired, touched, puzzled, hurt, frustrated, or angered as a result of what the other person has said or done. Feedback given that way is not an objective evaluation, but a joint inquiry. We offer a peek into our own inner world so as to help the other person better understand the i

To get anywhere in a disagreement, we need to understand the other person’s story well enough to see how their conclusions make sense within it. And we need to help them understand the story in which our conclusions make sense. Understanding each other’s stories from the inside won’t necessarily “solve” the problem, but as with Karen and Trevor, it

The first step to dialogue is to get your heart right.