Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

Unspoken feelings can color the conversation in a number of ways. They alter your affect and tone of voice. They express themselves through your body language or facial expression. They may take the form of long pauses or an odd and unexplained detachment. You may become sarcastic, aggressive, impatient, unpredictable, or defensive.

In every case, work through the Three Conversations as best you can. Get a better handle on your feelings, key identity issues, and possible distortions or gaps in your perceptions. Think clearly about what you do know (your own feelings, your own experiences and story, your identity issues), and what you don’t know (their intentions, their perspec

Learn the three signs you’re having the wrong conversation: 1. Your emotions escalate. 2. You walk away skeptical. 3. You’re in a déjà vu dialogue. • Use three skills to identify your topic, and prepare to keep focused on it: 1. Unbundle. Unpack the various issues at play using CPR. Are they content, pattern, or relationship concerns or perhaps pro

if you start by listening and acknowledging the feelings, and then return to the question of intentions, it will make your conversation significantly easier and more constructive.