Sublime

Take a current problem. Strip it of all the superimposed layers of your reactions. The first and most handy layer is that of rationalization, that of “proving” that others, or situations, are at fault, not your innermost conflicts which make you adopt the wrong attitude to the actual problem that confronts you. The next layer might be anger, resent

Mike was living out what some therapists call a love-lust split. Home was stable, good, responsible, and dead. Outside, the street was adventurous, bad, selfish, and alive.

This is the original wound, the terror that felt so life-threatening that the person renounced all dependency in order to get away from it. But it has been locked away, far below consciousness, and it usually doesn’t resurface unless the person does deep inner work or falls deeply in love.

yes/no

I had begun therapy to work on issues in my marriage. I couldn’t figure out why being such a Nice Guy didn’t make my wife happy or make her want to have more sex with me. No matter how hard I tried to please her, keep the peace, avoid conflict, and hide my needs, she was still frequently moody, angry, critical, and sexually unavailable.

This loss of Self can manifest in a number of ways in adulthood, and I’ve seen it play out most often as either severe indecisiveness and procrastination or as an obsessive need to succeed.

trauma