Do not helicopter or snowplow your children. Let them make their own mistakes. At the same time, make clear rules. One that we set was this: “You are allowed to break an arm, a leg, a wrist, an ankle. But you may not break your skull or your back, or impair your senses.” This allowed our children a sense of what kinds of risks were acceptable to ta

But if I say something like, ‘Hey Benjy, no biting Mommy! You can bite your blankie or your teddy,’ then five minutes later I’ll hear her giving him a choice.”

But never, ever use the word should with your kids. It’ll shut the communication down every time.

When parents say more than a sentence or two about the limit-pushing behavior, even while remaining calm, they risk creating a tale about a child with a problem (perhaps he hugs his baby sister too forcefully), which then causes the child to identify with this as his story and problem, when it was just an impulsive, momentary behavior he tried out