your goal for the discussion is to understand their perspective better, share your own, and talk about how to go forward

Sometimes the most genuine thing you can do is share your internal struggle to cast them in a more positive role. You can say something like, “The story I’m telling in my head about what is going on is that you are being inconsiderate. At some level I know that’s unfair to you, and I need you to help me put things in better perspective.

To get anywhere in a disagreement, we need to understand the other person’s story well enough to see how their conclusions make sense within it. And we need to help them understand the story in which our conclusions make sense.

Talk About How to Talk About It. The easiest approach is first to talk about how to talk. Treat “the way things usually go when we try to have this conversation” as the problem, and describe it from the Third Story: