
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Ed: “I felt ashamed because I didn’t feel loved. Now I try to earn your love by anticipating your wants and needs. If you have to ask me to do something, I feel like a failure for not having noticed your need. If you tell me that you love me, I have to figure out something to do to deserve it.” New rule: I accept your love freely. I expect you to a
... See moreConnie Dawson • Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children
If you want to reverse a pattern of inadequate support, you need to first examine what your needs are and commit to building more support. You will also want to notice how well you take in support when it is offered. Often when we didn’t receive much when we were young, our ability to receive gets blocked by defenses that we developed.
Jasmin Lee Cori MS LPC • The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed
It’s important to remember that our adult partners don’t owe us the selfless love that we wanted from our mothers. They have needs and limitations, and we are adults now, responsible for ourselves. That doesn’t mean you can’t have vulnerable feelings, even some needs that are rooted in infancy, but it does mean that your partner has a choice about
... See moreJasmin Lee Cori MS LPC • The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed
Instead, treat them as if they are unwell, saying something like: “I see that I’ve upset you. I wish you could talk to me about it, but maybe you can’t right now. Let’s talk later on when you’re feeling better.” Then drop it.