How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

The relationship is not at risk no matter what feelings you express. You think: “I always knew I could say or feel anything here.”

Here are the five fundamental mindsets of ego that interrupt our ability to be here now and that distort reality: Fear of or worry about situation or of this person: “I perceive a threat in you or am afraid you may not like me so I am on the defensive.” Desire that this moment or person will meet our demands or expectations, grant us our needed emo

We cannot provide the five A’s as long as these five mindsets are engaged because they distance us from authentic contact and suspend or disable direct perception of reality. Throughout this book, these five mental defenses are referred to as the layers or overlays of ego. We cannot stop our minds from engaging in these distractions, but mindfulnes

Together, the five A’s are the components of unconditional presence. But there are also five major mental habits that interrupt authentic, unconditional presence and may cause others to feel unloved. They are virtually involuntary mental reactions that are common to people the world over. These mindsets are like bullies who enter unbidden and intru

You are allowed by your parents to see; tell; talk; touch; be separate; protect yourself; and pursue your own talents, relationships, and interests.

The practice sections in this book consist mainly of leading questions meant to challenge you to face and admit your own truth. They are meant to be answered in your journal and, when appropriate, aloud to your partner.

Any of these five interpretations by the editorial board of ego may be accurate but they still interfere with…

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When we come to others with the five A’s, we are profoundly present and closeness happens. When we come at others with the five mindsets, we are caught in a personal agenda and distance happens. The commitment to intimacy is a journey…

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DAILY MEDITATION • The first practice is to meditate daily Begin with a few minutes a day and increase to about twenty as an ideal minimum. It is best to sit together as a couple, but sitting alone is certainly appropriate and valuable also. Sit in a quiet space with your eyes open or closed, your back straight, and your hands on your knees or thig