What I soon discovered is that a host of unprecedented forces are reshaping contemporary life—technological, political, spiritual, sexual—yet the techniques we use to make meaning of our lives have not kept up. We’re going through transitions more frequently, but our tool kit for handling them has not changed to keep pace.

Psychologists describe this recalibration of expectations as “hedonic adaptation.” It’s a way of saying that no matter what we do or accomplish, our new level of comfort, safety, and status eventually becomes the new normal. And as we adapt to this new normal, we naturally just find more stuff to fear.

After the thrill of independence and experiments in self-actualization, drinking your so-called “potential for Being” to the dregs, when the exhaustion starts to set in and then eventually morphs into a kind of self-disgust, you can reach a point where you know you want a different life but are enchained to the one you’ve made.