Sublime

Much of the research on pornography has been normative; it has assumed that the only healthy form of sexuality is vanilla sex (that is, not kinky) between monogamous couple-based partners for reasons beyond simply pleasure.

If it’s all a free and fluid nonbinary choice of gender and sexual partners, a choice to have sex exclusively with the same sex would not be an expression of our identity, but a form of sexist bigotry, would it not?

To enjoy a free sexuality, you need to come to terms with the body you are living in, unless you want to wait until you lose twenty pounds, which could take forever. Or until you look younger—don’t hold your breath. Do remember: your sexiness is about how you feel, not how you look.

“A gay man loves and desires other men, and a lesbian desires and loves other women,” explains Sky Gilbert, a drag queen. “This defines the existential state of being gay. If there is no such thing as ‘male’ or ‘female,’ the entire self-definition of gay identity, which we have spent generations seeking to validate and protect from bigots, collapse

Women have boyfriends and girlfriends. If you’re not fucking her, you’re her girlfriend.

Promiscuity: members of both sexes have multiple partners (in humans this is sometimes called polyamory)

A particular form of sexual desire and expression has little effect on personality and emotional development.

Here’s a happy way to answer the question of what is sex: if you or your partner is wondering whether you’re having sex at any given moment, you probably are. We like to use an expanded definition of sex, including more than genitals, more than intercourse, more than penetration, and, while we definitely wouldn’t leave them out, much more than the