Sublime

If you are busy trying to shore up your “no mistakes, no failures” identity, you won’t be able to engage in a meaningful learning conversation. And if you can’t do that, you are likely to make the same mistakes again.

our tendency to misunderstand their intentions, and our tendency to focus on blame.

there is always a gap between the self we think we present and the way others see us.

a self-image that allows for complexity is healthy and robust; it provides a sturdy foundation on which to stand.

No matter how skillfully dad and daughter negotiate about how much money to spend, the outcome will not leave them feeling satisfied unless they also talk about how they are feeling.

It is said that all advice is autobiographical, and this, in part, is what is meant. We interpret what we see based on our own life experiences, assumptions, preferences, priorities, and implicit rules about how things work and how one should be. I understand your life through the lens of my life; my advice for you is based on me.

As we see the world in new ways, our feelings shift accordingly.

As we know, one reason people argue about what happened is that the other person’s view threatens their identity.