Humor
Having a daughter is like having a broke best friend who thinks you're rich.
My childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
Going to bed early
Not leaving my house
Not going to a party
Generation X: 1965-1980 – Raised on hose water and neglect.
I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
Her housekeeping style is best described as "There appears to have been a struggle”.
Arguing with a Trump supporter is like playing chess with a pigeon. They knock over the pieces, shit on the board, then strut around like they won.
You call it OCD. I call it put the shit back where you found it.
Sorry I slapped you, but it didn't seem like you'd ever stop talking and I panicked.
I left the house lookin’ like a bag of smashed crabs.