figuring out friendship

In her book, The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center, journalist Rhaina Cohen details our historically recent obsession with marriage as the be-all, end-all, noting how many modern wedding ceremonies include spouses proclaiming that they are each other’s “best friends.” Indeed, many women told me that they felt ... See more

Scholars who study social networks have attempted to classify the strata of friendship. “Best,” “close,” “good,” “casual” and “acquaintance” is one taxonomy they use. “Support clique,” “sympathy group,” “friendship group,” “clansmen” and “acquaintances” is another. These scholars have imagined friend networks as a pyramid, with close friends and fa... See more

The term, which was coined by the sociologist Ray Oldenburg in the 1980s, essentially refers to a physical location other than work or home where there’s little to no financial barrier to entry and where conversation is the primary activity. The historical examples that Oldenburg cites in his book The Great Good Place include French cafés, German A... See more

To me, the ideal hangout has a few components: spontaneity, purposelessness, and a willingness among all parties involved to go wherever the conversation leads them.

Fitness and socializing have long been combined. Country clubs, whose original facilities included tennis courts, polo fields, racetracks, and baseball diamonds, were an important part of the American social scene in the 20th century. And local sports leagues and clubs have long filled the gaps left by the decline in other kinds of social groups.

A 2012 Wharton study found that millennials rank friendship as one of the greatest determinants of success in life, second only to health. And it makes sense: As millennials are increasingly delaying marriage and children, their relationships with friends play a more important role in their lives. It was millennials, after all, who popularized Frie... See more

As with all things rooted in a group, group chats necessarily exclude even more than they include. All this whispering in digital ears requires someone — most of the world, in fact — to be on the outside. In one group chat I’m part of, members all had to approve the addition of a friend, because the dynamic had become so fixed that no one wanted to... See more

But we didn’t set out to become friends. We set out to write together and see where it goes. What I learned writing this book is every friendship needs an “about,” and our “about” was so clear and so compelling from the jump.