Fatherhood
They have different ways of setting boundaries and enforcing boundaries; exploring in nature; roughhousing; creating teachable moments; challenging the kids’ limits; using hangout time; and different attitudes toward teasing. Researchers have also documented dads’ greater tendencies to • walk a fine line between safety and risk-taking; • juggle the
... See moreJohn Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
During roughhousing, dads and kids are typically 100 percent energized, laughing, spontaneous, and, yes, silly. The dads were almost always able to distinguish between their son or daughter being excited-scared and scared-scared. When the dad picked up any sense of his son or daughter being scared-scared, he backed off.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
We have seen that the amount of time a father spends with a child is “one of the strongest predictors of empathy in adulthood.”6 Teaching a child to treat boundaries seriously teaches him or her to respect the needs of others.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
After dads’ tendency to tease, nothing creates more conflict between moms and dads than dads’ much greater propensity to roughhouse. Roughhousing often scares a mom, because her fear for her children’s safety is amplified by the appearance that dad is behaving like another kid, which mom translates as, “No one’s responsible here.” The solution begi
... See moreJohn Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
“My mom warns and warns; it’s like she ‘cries wolf.’ My dad gives us one warning, and then he becomes the wolf.”
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
Role of a father
Between quality childcare and longer parental leaves, the bigger contributor to a healthy and productive son is a longer parental leave.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
even when race, education, income, and other socioeconomic factors are equal, living without dad doubled a child’s chance of dropping out of high school.5
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
dads’ greater tendency to take their children to parks or playgrounds, or teach them by doing, such as being a “sous-chef” with dad in the kitchen. They also missed the games dads tend to create to make otherwise boring activities fun—such as turning a shopping cart into a basketball hoop and toilet paper into a ball.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
And that value kicks in early. Toddlers whose dads encouraged exploring (while setting limits) had better social and emotional skills twelve to eighteen months later.17