The unspoken belief behind self-improvement is "I'll be worthy when..."
Perfectionism is a mindset that demands we perform as superbly as possible to be sufficient as a person. We conflate our goodness as a person with our performance in areas we care about—academics, our job, our social behavior, fitness, appearance, parenting, home organization, the list goes on.
Ellen Hendriksen • “If I Let Go of Perfectionism I Won’t Be as Good as I Am Now.”
To sit with this stark claim can at first seem frightening—it is not easy to let go of the illusion that our worth is something we work for—but it is also potentially extraordinarily liberating: we no longer have to compete with others in order to gain the confidence that we matter.
Shai Held • Judaism Is About Love: Recovering the Heart of Jewish Life
Why were we taught that to be worthy of our own love we have to be exceptional?
Andrea Gibson • Why Self-Love Is So Hard To Achieve
When children’s emotional needs are not adequately or consistently met, they often develop a subconscious core belief that they are not worthy of having these needs met.