To Listen Well, Get Curious

Not the kind of listening that sorts what others say (or don’t say) through the lens of our justification-seeking agenda. Not the kind of listening that intensely looks for fallacies and logical flaws. Not the kind of listening that pounces on inconsistencies or a poorly chosen word or phrase.

There's one technique that you must use if you want people to listen to you: listen to them. Even if this is a situation where you have all the information, even if this is a formal meeting with you standing in front of 20 suits—if you don't listen to them, they won't listen to you.

There are no infallible guidelines regarding when to paraphrase, but as a rule of thumb, it is safe to assume that speakers expressing intensely emotional messages would appreciate our reflecting these back to them. When we ourselves are talking, we can make it easier for the listener if we clearly signify when we want or don’t want our words to be