The quest for psychological perfection

We need to understand and accept that this is the psychological reality we are working with —and  we need to embrace the work of changing it for the better

Inherent in this vision of “perfection” is the embrace of trial-and-error learning and experimentation as necessary aspects of any worthwhile human endeavor. Integrating this commitment to  tolerating and learning from error  as part of one’s ideal of self-perfection is, by the way, one of the most powerful correctives for neurotic perfec... See more

Perfection: Aristotelian concept of perfection as “potential fully actualized” ; as excellence in the exercise of one’s capacities and the realization of one’s carefully chosen ideals... human beings are fully actualised when they are functioning as builders.

More often it is the defensive, counterfeit form of that pursuit: an exercise in going through the motions of “pursuing excellence” in order to escape the guilt and anxiety imposed by our inner drill sergean t, or simply to numb the uncomfortable awareness of lacking a genuine ideal.

It’s the builder, not the drill sergeant, who genuinely cares about excellence; for the builder’s excellence is in service of the particular life she wants to build , whereas the drill sergeant threatens you with “excellence” as a vague, arbitrary dictate you have to appease before being allowed to build and enjoy your own life in the first place.

Pathological Perfectionism has been very damaging, and as a result there has been a movement towards increasing acceptance of self and circumstance. Dr. Gena Gorlin argues that this is good, but it is only the first step. She presents a mindset and proposal for how we can pursue excellence in healthier ways—as builders.