The Power of Eye Contact

because they are the exact opposite of how we appear when we are confident, resolved, and determined, we use the shrug to express the opposite of these attitudes.

Darwin’s second principle, “antithesis,” comes into play. Darwin says that an “indignant man, who resents, and will not submit to some injury” adopts a stance like “A” above, with straight frame, shoulders straight ahead, puffed chest, and fists ready for action, with primed arm and leg muscles, narrowed eyes, and a stiff jaw. However, he says: The

we can see that body language communicates to us in two ways: the direct way and the indirect way, which correlate roughly to Darwin’s two principles mentioned above: serviceable expressions and antithesis. In the direct way, a certain expression or posture has a direct utility in relation to the emotion involved by preparing us for action related

When you look someone in the eye, you’re giving that person the keys to your emotional world. No wonder the person trusts you more when you do that. And no wonder the other person perceives you as more confident—it takes guts to be so vulnerable with another person.

“mirror neurons.” These are neurons interspersed throughout various systems in our brain that are highly sensitive to—and take as their primary input—the emotional states of other people. And their primary output is recreating those same emotional states within ourselves.

In high school and early college, I was a fan of the rock band Grateful Dead. Whatever you may think of the band and its music and followers, some of the most personally meaningful moments from that period in my life—moments that I will remember for the rest of my life—came from seeing them play live. When the band got on stage, a collective joy ru

primal empathy is a key component in social intelligence. Instantly grasping and internalizing what someone else is feeling is crucial for anticipating that person’s needs and responding appropriately; if someone feels that you “get them,” no matter how close or distant the relation, that person is bound to feel more connected and trusting of you.

I recalled a line from Gertrude Stein, on Stein’s native Oakland, California: “There’s no there there.”

We’re going to get over our fear and discomfort around eye contact—“systematically desensitize” ourselves to it—in several manageable steps: Making progressively lengthy eye contact with a friend or family