The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists

You agonizingly come to the painful realization that there is no possibility for connection or empathy in your primary relationship.

Self-pity connotes victimization and martyrdom, and even though you may indeed feel victimized, this attitude will prevent you from taking action and will inevitably drive people away.

history of failed relationships that have become the norm,

And since narcissists often choose mates with narcissistic wounds, it’s imperative that we focus on ourselves first, and resist the urge to diagnose our friends, lovers, or coworkers.

In fact, some would say that self-pity is really “anger in a party dress.”

“Whining is anger coming through a very tiny opening.”

However, if you set your boundaries with absolutely no expectation, you will be halfway home. It becomes a matter of validating and reassuring yourself. It’s knowing deep in your soul that if you don’t do this, you will die a very slow and painful emotional death.

Truly, the most intimate relationship we form is not with another human being; it’s with our comfort zone.

At the same time, we must be discerning about the recipients of our gifts. Sadly, many of us keep bestowing gifts on those who either can’t receive or who keep taking and taking until we’re consumed.