The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists

Self-pity connotes victimization and martyrdom, and even though you may indeed feel victimized, this attitude will prevent you from taking action and will inevitably drive people away.

And, it’s particularly difficult because narcissists work hard to build up a feeling of obligation, hoping it will keep us locked in despite the way they mistreat us.

At the same time, we must be discerning about the recipients of our gifts. Sadly, many of us keep bestowing gifts on those who either can’t receive or who keep taking and taking until we’re consumed.

Compassion is a form of nurturing self-love. It’s not abusive, manipulative, or angry. Compassion doesn’t involve self-pity. Rather, it involves tenderness, mercy, kindness, warmth, and love—in short, everything you’ve offered up to your narcissistic partner that you’ve denied yourself.

“Religion draws people who don’t want to go to hell. Spirituality draws people who have already been there.”

If we’re not careful, we wind up sacrificing our health, our children, and our serenity just to avoid going home to the tirades of a narcissistic partner.

Since a narcissist has no boundaries and could not care less about your boundaries, all interactions you have with them have the potential of becoming hideous.

You agonizingly come to the painful realization that there is no possibility for connection or empathy in your primary relationship.

A colleague of mine who leads tours to Tibet once told me, “In Tibet, they bathe once a year and pray every day.”