The Nix

To need meant to be vulnerable. It was one of the scariest things I could imagine. Needing anything meant you were open to invasion. It meant you had no control of yourself.

I was afraid of everything. Afraid to keep drinking. Afraid to stop drinking and have to experience everything without the brain condom alcohol provides. I was afraid of losing my job and not being able to spend $200 whenever I felt a bad mood coming on.

Behind Nolan’s fear of making a decision was the childhood fear that he wouldn’t be able to handle whatever happened.

There was no doubt that here I found myself before a special kind of darkness, a desperate element which no one had previously been aware of. The most ludicrous ideas filled my mind, and every little thing frightened me.