feeling insecure, jealous, and angry when your partner is not responsive to your needs right away

I often picked relationships where I could remain emotionally distanced, removed, often emotionally unavailable. When I continued to feel my emotional needs and deep desires for connection unmet, I would react, calling or texting too often, throwing tantrums, and picking fights.

When the mother is checked out and not attuned enough to respond to the child’s needs, the child ends up adapting to the mother instead of the other way around. Losing touch with his core experience, the child then develops what Winnicott calls a false self.

This second style has been called anxious attachment (Bowlby),…

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