The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

Open with: What’s on your mind? The perfect way to start; the question is open but focused. Check in: Is there anything else on your mind? Give the person an option to share additional concerns. Then begin to focus: So what’s the real challenge here for you? Already the conversation will deepen. Your job now is to find what’s most useful to look at

research by Daniel Kahneman, this time on the peak-end rule. In short, how we’re evaluating an experience is disproportionately influenced by the peak (or the trough) of the experience and by the ending moments. Finish on a high note and you make everything that went before it look better.

This question will typically have the person focus on the one or two key takeaways from the conversation.

People don’t really learn when you tell them something. They don’t even really learn when they do something. They start learning, start creating new neural pathways, only when they have a chance to recall and reflect on what just happened.

The Strategic Question: If You’re Saying Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To?

Winston Churchill said that people “occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.”

What is our winning aspiration? Framing the choice as “winning” rules out mediocrity as an option. If you want to win, you need to know what game you’re playing and with (and against) whom. What impact do you want to have in and on the world? Where will we play? “Boiling the ocean” is rarely successful. Choosing a sector, geography, product,

“What was most useful for you?”

(Have you ever heard or uttered the phrase, “I never said I was going to do that!”? Me too.) So to ask, “Let’s be clear: What exactly are you saying Yes to?”