and to learn the meaning of your own baby’s patterns of communications over time. Once the underlying problems that this book discusses are properly addressed, responding sensibly to a baby’s cues makes life (and sleep) easiest for families, now and later.

“No matter what you do, in any situation with your child, ask yourself, What beliefs is my child going to take away from this encounter? Will your child walk away thinking: I just made a mistake and I learned something great or I’m insignificant?”

We have to stop thinking of the child as a “problem” that needs correction. We have to give up the idea that because we’re adults we always have the right answer. We have to stop worrying that if we’re not “tough enough” the child will take advantage of us. It requires a great act of faith to believe that if we take the time to sit down and share o

Children internalize protection, safety, freedom, success, and self-esteem from nonnegotiable rules and negotiable rules. Despair and failure come from rigidity, criticism, marshmallowing, and abandonment.