The Anatomy of Peace, Fourth Edition: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

I’ve learned that if you find yourself in a hard conversation that is going south, there are ways to redeem it. First, you step back from the conflict, and you try to figure out together what’s gone wrong. You break the momentum by asking the other person, “How did we get to this tense place?” Then you do something the experts call “splitting.” Spl

A question permeates this book: “In what new ways of thinking and acting are you willing to engage on behalf of what you believe most deeply?” That question in turn raises the corollary: “What will you not do on behalf of what you believe most deeply?”

“As we’ve been talking about, no matter what we’re doing on the outside, people respond primarily to how we’re feeling about them on the inside. And how we’re feeling about them depends on whether we’re in or out of the box concerning them. Let me illustrate that point further with a couple of examples.

As for our agreements with each other, the most important one was our need to do three things: 1. Put our honest thoughts out on the table, 2. Have thoughtful disagreements in which people are willing to shift their opinions as they learn, and 3. Have agreed-upon ways of deciding (e.g., voting, having clear authorities) if disagreements remain so t