A common tendency is to ask for agreement, perhaps because it’s reassuring: “Does that make sense?” “Wouldn’t you agree?” But asking the other person how they see it differently is more helpful.

You started with listening, and paraphrasing his sense that you take things too personally. For him, that helps take away the need to keep saying it. And now you’re in a good place to continue your story.

Especially, listen for feelings, like frustration or pride or fear, and acknowledge those feelings.

When we address a group without being clear what we are wanting back, unproductive discussions will often follow. However, if even one member of a group is conscious of the importance of clearly requesting the response that is desired, he or she can extend this consciousness to the group.