Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection

We too often think that deep conversations have to be painful or vulnerable conversations. I try to compensate for that by asking questions about the positive sides of life: “Tell me about a time you adapted to change.” “What’s working really well in your life?” “What are you most self-confident about?” “Which of your five senses is strongest?” “Ha

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If you want to get close to someone, you must enter what I call the zone of engagement. This is the space where people get close enough to each other to become vulnerable. Vulnerability causes fear and fear leads to conflict. But if the conflict is handled properly, a real bond is created. Conflict becomes a kind of sense organ through which you re

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TIP ONE: ASK DEEP QUESTIONS

A deep question asks someone about their values, beliefs or experiences. Rather than asking someone about the facts of their life (“Where do you live?”) it asks how they feel about their life. (“What’s the best part of where you live?”) Studies show that people love answering deep questions, because it gives us a chance ... See more

“Say more” and “care to elaborate” are magical phrases. You can also repeat what they said. “Work has been crazy lately.” “Work has been crazy lately?” That can do a lot. The question “why is that important to you,” while more intense, can get you really far, really fast, if you sense a mood of openness, especially if you learn to ask it casually.