Stop Walking on Eggshells

The reward for loyalty has been great—the same passion, the same beauty, the same wit that attracted me to her in the first place are all there. But the fear and confusion of BPD are gone.

He said I hadn’t given him a chance (twenty years of chances are obviously not enough).

If a friend was in my place and told me the story of this relationship, what advice would I give them?

What kind of relationship is it when one person must have all of the understanding, have all of the forgiveness, and do all of the giving to the needy other?

Yet I know enough to realize that what happened to me doesn’t always happen in the case of all borderlines. Some BPs are unwilling to take the journey. Other borderlines are outright incapable of it. And thus I would never expect that everyone close to a borderline stay in the relationship. In some cases—perhaps many cases—it is necessary and wise

confusion stage This generally occurs before a diagnosis of BPD is known. Non-BPs struggle to understand why borderlines sometimes behave in ways that seem to make no sense. They look for solutions that seem elusive, blame themselves, or resign themselves to living in chaos.

Do I have the energy and fortitude to go against my family or other people who might be upset with my decision? Am I truly making my own decision, or am I doing what other people want me to do?

telling the BP that you will remain in the relationship only if he or she is willing to work with a therapist or make specific changes; this means holding the BP to any promise he or she makes, and it may mean leaving if he or she violates such a promise

It can take non-BPs a long time to acknowledge feelings of anger and grief—especially