Notes on Grief

The deaths came as a shock to everyone. As Jody watched three grieving families, she thought of the comfort Larry’s words had provided his family. She hurt for the children, those “who knew unquestionably of their parents’ love, but desperately missed the reassurance and security that their physical presence provided.” She couldn’t stop thinking of

Before dawn the next morning I heard my father’s voice come through the answering machine. “Mum died, John. That’s all I have to say. Bye.” I felt a love for him and also felt that my mother had indeed said farewell in a completely satisfactory way.

We never feel grief when we lose something that we have allowed to be free, that we have never attempted to possess. Grief is a sign that I made my happiness depend on this thing or person, at least to some extent. We’re so accustomed to hear the opposite of this that what I say sounds inhuman, doesn’t it?

As you remember these experiences, notice how you feel on a visceral level. A cognitive recounting will not suffice, unless it is connected strongly to a bodily feeling, because your memories were stored in your body on a cellular level. The challenge is to find the accurate sense of feeling but not necessarily a storyline. Truly grieving involves