I felt frustrated and put my plans on hold. Finally, upon the urging of a friend, I decided to try putting myself first over the weekend. I made plans and invited my wife to join me if she felt inclined.

What they are really saying is that they don’t want to do anything that might re-create their childhood experiences. They’re really not trying to protect anyone from harm, they’re just trying to keep their world smooth and under control.

Telling the truth is not a magic formula for having a smooth life. But living a life of integrity is actually easier than living one built around deceit and distortion.

Alan and Jason were used and objectified by their parents. They were valued for always doing it “right” and never being a problem.

Nice Guys tend to be very black and white in their thinking. The only alternative they can see to being nice is becoming “bastards” or “jerks.”

This paradigm shift is always terrifying for recovering Nice Guys. The idea of making their needs a priority feels like the quickest route to being disliked, unloved, and all alone. Whenever

This process begins by just talking about himself. This in itself makes many Nice Guys uncomfortable. Over time, the recovering Nice Guy can begin revealing the things about himself that he is the least comfortable letting others see. Once trust has been established, he can begin

He told her that if she wanted to stay married to him, she had to go to treatment for her drinking problem.

I support them in talking explicitly about their sexuality. In our culture, most sex talk is done in pornographic, demeaning, moralizing, shaming, clinical, or joking ways.