default path, I mean a series of decisions and accomplishments needed to be seen as a successful adult. These vary by country, but in the United States, we refer to this as the “American Dream,” which means a life centered around a good job, owning a home, and having a family.

I created an email account for my son. He doesn’t use it. He’s a baby. I use it. I send him messages, notes, pictures. I tell him where we went and what we did. I talk to him about his mother. Sometimes, I give him advice, lessons learned from my own missteps, my own mistakes.

There is a version of my story that makes it easy to hold me up as a poster child of the promise of the American Dream. But the reality has more nuance…

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Most of the time we wait much longer for a dream to manifest itself in our lives than we ever imagined we would have to at its conception.