How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series)

The challenge is to do it in a way that will allow for loving feelings rather than increasing resentment. That’s what will ultimately keep

“Ears can hear only what emotions will allow.”

When a child tells a lie, it may help to remember that it is both common and normal. In fact, the latest research shows that learning to lie is an important milestone in a child’s cognitive development.1

“I have a sad boy. That bike was really special to you.” Dan began to sob. “Grandma and Grandpa gave me that bike when I was three. It’s like my turtle shirt. It’s too small for me but it’s still mine!

Once his feelings were acknowledged his heart was full of generosity. He’d felt sentimental about his grandparents’ loving gift.

Instead of accusing and interrogating, state the obvious. In the case of the purloined dessert, you can simply say, “I see you ate the cake.” If she protests, don’t call her a liar. Instead, you can accept the feeling behind the protest.

It’s very hard to learn to tell an uncomfortable truth. We help our children face up to this challenge when we minimize the accusations, let them know we understand how they feel, and show them how to make amends.

I talked to the teachers, and we all agreed I would start taking Rashi home right after lunch.

Once people made the shift from trying to change the kids to changing their expectations, they found many ways to make life more pleasant for their children and themselves.