How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love

Most of us have no idea what kind of partner will fulfill us long term.

This works for dating, too. When you commit to someone, your brain will do its best to convince you it was a good decision. Satisficers inherently understand this idea—and benefit from it.

She swiped left. I asked her why, and she said, “He was a consultant, and consultants are boring.” What?! All consultants? Every single one? She was assuming she knew everything she needed to know based on one fact about this person’s life. What you do isn’t who you are. And people with the same job can be completely different.

Apps primarily give us a list of résumé traits and nothing more. Only by spending time with someone can you appreciate that person for the “experiential good” they are.

just learned, the more a quality can be compared, the more important that trait seems.

Go on dates with people whom you don’t necessarily think are a fit. That’s the only way you can figure out what you actually like rather than assuming you already know.

Now it’s your turn. To determine your dating window, count the number of years from when you started dating to when you’d like to enter a long-term relationship. Now, what’s 37 percent of that number? Add that to the age when you started dating. That’s your 37 percent mark.

“Put together a spreadsheet of all the women you’ve gone out with in the last year. Make a column for their name, how you met them, how you felt when you were with them, and what values you shared. You can include other details, too, but I don’t want a laundry list of their flaws or a ranking of their hotness.”

relationshopping”— searching for our mate like we’d search for a new pair of shoes. But treating potential partners like potential purchases gets us into trouble.