The more you do something, the more established that neural activity becomes. This means the more you churn over painful thoughts or memories, the easier it becomes for you to bring those things to mind. You find yourself in a trap in which you continuously re-trigger painful emotions and distress and spiral down into a dark place.

Our focus is to identify our wound, to look at where it came from, and to connect to and heal the pain and fear that keep the thoughts and behaviors in place. Until we are able to do this, the patterns getting repeated in our relationships will continue to follow a very similar script.