How to Do Hard Things

They support those choices by helping us: let go of the avoidance and fusion that narrow our alternatives (variation); specify through values work what it means for us to be successful (selection); practice and build helpful behaviors into habits of committed action (retention); consciously pick different approaches for different situations by bein

Shoma Morita gave us a great antidote for the checking voice: Be clear about your purpose, accept your feelings and thoughts, and then just do what needs doing.

The other flexibility skills help with commitment to the actions that will allow us to achieve these goals. Defusion allows us to distance ourselves from negative thoughts and judgments about our progress. Connecting to our transcendent self keeps our focus on taking action because we care, not to comply with social expectations or avoid guilt. Acc

Hayes learned that the more someone tries to avoid unpleasant circumstances, thoughts, feelings, and urges—exactly what Hayes had been doing before his insight on that fateful night— the stronger and more frequent they become.