If affection is only a strategy for sex, it is not intimate but manipulative. In adult relationships, there is intimacy without sex at times and sex with intimacy always. Affection looks different in the romantic phase of a relationship than it does in the conflict stage. In the former it may have more of a sexual dimension; in conflict it may mean

We are fulfilled when we live out our personal capacity for loving. Our spiritual practice is perfect when we show love in every one of the…

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In Buddhism there is a phrase, “the glance of mercy,” which refers to looking at other human beings with acceptance and understanding. Acceptance means we are received respectfully with all our feelings, choices, and personal traits and supported through them. This makes us feel safe about knowing and giving ourselves to others. Our ability to be i

Every cell of your little body knew the difference between being held supportively and being clutched to fulfill a parent’s needs. You knew when something was being given and when it was being taken.

Journeying is built into us no matter how beautiful our home. The idea of change excites us no matter how pleasing our present circumstances.

Western psychology places major importance on building a sense of self or ego. Buddhism, in contrast, places major importance on letting go of the illusion of a freestanding, fixed solid self. These views seem contradictory until we…

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The hospitable sanctuary and the generous waters of an oasis can be enjoyed for one day or many, but not forever. Sooner or later they will cloy, and our hearts will long for what comes next.

Mindfulness does not mean that we have no desires, simply that we are not possessed by them. We may feel fear and desire, but they no longer drive, shame, or stop us.

It is true that unmet needs for the five A’s in childhood cannot be made up for later in life, in the sense that they cannot be fulfilled so absolutely, so immediately, or so unfailingly. That absolute, immediate fulfillment of needs by one person is appropriate only to infants. But needs can be fulfilled, in short or long installments, throughout