Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

to thrive” for children separated from their parents and caught in debilitating grief.

these demand-distance spirals are all about attachment panic

But for those of us with secure bonds, it is a momentary blip.

Generally, Harlow’s experiments showed the toxicity of early isolation: physically healthy infant primates who were separated from their mothers during the first year of life grew into socially crippled adults. The monkeys failed to develop the ability to solve problems or understand the social cues of others. They became depressed, self-destructiv

These schools focused on offering emotional support rather than the usual stern discipline.

happens, he said, when we feel suddenly uncertain or vulnerable in the world or when we perceive a negative shift in our sense of connection to a loved one, when we sense a threat or danger to the relationship. The threats we sense can come from the outside world and from our own inner cosmos. They can be true or imaginary. It’s our perception that

Tim and Sarah can now do what securely attached couples can do. They can recognize and accept each other’s attachment protests.

When love doesn’t work, we hurt.

Sensitive responsiveness always touches us emotionally and calms us on a physical level.