Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

who were experiencing a serious downswing in their relationship,

Think of a time in your relationship when questions like “Are you there for me?” were hanging in the air unanswered and you wound up getting into a fight about a mundane problem. Share this with your partner.

We get stuck in three basic patterns — I call them the Demon Dialogues — when we cannot connect safely with our partner. Find the Bad Guy is a dead-end pattern of mutual blame that effectively keeps a couple miles apart, blocking reengagement and the creation of a safe haven. Couples dance at arm’s length. That’s what Jim and Pam are doing when the

Try to remember that your partner is talking about how safe and connected he or she feels right now in your relationship, not about whether you are a perfect or imperfect partner.

Your community?

These first three conversations de-escalate tension in the relationship

When you feel disconnected or alone in your present relationship, are you likely to get very emotional or even anxious and push your partner to respond? Or are you more likely to shut down and try not to feel your need to connect? Can you think of a time when this happened?

what do you do when life gets too big to handle or when you feel alone?

you had to be vigilant and fight to be seen and responded to?