Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Third Edition

partners flooding each other with all sorts of affirmations on a daily basis, to increase positive connecting.

Outside of their awareness, however, each one is being compelled by an unwritten agenda that was formed early in life: to recover the sensations of being fully alive and joyfully connecting with which we came into the world.

Think of your old brain as being hardwired and determining most of your automatic reactions.

we think we are alike in significant ways, and when that does not check out, we object to our partners, or the world, being different from how we see it.

to experience with the partner the same sensations they experienced with their caretakers.

the old brain has only a hazy awareness of the external world.

we help couples change their interactive behaviors—rather than how they feel, think, or remember—they feel connected and begin to have new thoughts and create new memories.

Later in life, when you have a conflict with your partner, the intensity of your response can be amplified by this hidden pathway.

compelling need to heal old childhood wounds.