Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Second Edition

1. closing down the exits that prevent intimacy, 2) returning to the caring behaviors of romantic love, 3) using the Imago Dialogue to deepen understanding and compassion, and 4) defusing anger and frustration by transforming criticisms into respectful requests.

were to change some of his more limiting behaviors and his beliefs, he would become more fully the person

Going against a parent’s edicts can trigger the fear of abandonment and death. To your old brain, it’s far safer to turn away your partner’s love than to trigger a parent’s rage.

On an unconscious level, accepting love from your partner feels too dangerous because it contradicts a parent’s view that you are

Through this simple process of defining their needs, understanding how they are connected with the past, and then converting them into small, positive requests, they had turned their relationship into a self-sustaining vehicle for personal growth.

Salvation is not an “inside” job; it is the outcome of being nourished by others.

that being a responsible sender is just as important as being a good listener.

“When you are late, I feel frustrated and scared.” In addition, you moderate

The first rule was to use “I” language when expressing a frustration.