By stripping away any expectations we have about what sex should or shouldn’t be, teaching us how to pay attention to our own sensation, and encouraging honest and frequent communication with our partner, OM teaches us how to enjoy all the facets of our sexuality.

The antidote to this finishing-line mentality is learning how to hold. Holding means breaking the habit of leaning forward all the time. It means savoring the sensation of the wind against our skin, rather than trying to escape it. Dropping the goal orientation and feeling our orgasm for where it wants to go. Maybe it wants to move toward climax; m

When in doubt, start with the stroke. What are you feeling in your finger as you stroke? Does your finger feel warm or cool? Dense or feather-light? Does it seem to be rising or falling? Then, pull back the lens until you are able to ask the same questions of your body as a whole. What is happening in your back, your neck, your heart? Do you feel a

part, are freed from the narrow definition of “orgasmic” that we’ve been confined to ever since we learned what sex was about. Instead of forging ahead toward a climax as it is traditionally defined, our every experience, our every sensation, becomes part of our orgasm. This last point cannot be overstated. For re-envisioning our definition of “org