The light of awareness must penetrate the fear, resentment, and shame of the child, in order to uncover the images that have become buried in the unconscious mind. We must be willing to see the truth of our mistreatment as children, including our parents’ flaws, without having to eradicate the good that may also have been present.

It may feel unfair to ask our partner to take our fears on board. But if they want to help the relationship they will need to make it clear that they won’t ever use the truth (if it is acknowledged) as a weapon. What is so sad is how easily we the accused might, if only the circumstances were more sympathetic, confess to everything. We would in fac