Don't Be So Attached to Attachment Theory

When couples disagree about the degree of closeness and intimacy desired in a relationship, the issue eventually threatens to dominate all of their dialogue. We call this situation the “anxious-avoidant trap,” because like a trap, you fall into it with no awareness, and like a trap, once you’re caught, it’s hard to break free.

Avoidants often use sex to distance themselves from their partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean they will cheat on their partner, although studies have shown that they are more likely to do so than other attachment types.

Most of their thoughts revolved around their love interest and how they felt about them. Any action or behaviour the other person engaged in became something my clients overanalysed. Intellectually, they were seeking a completely different kind of partner. They wanted someone who would commit and who would be clear about their feelings. Yet they ke

People with a secure attachment style, like Stan, are characterized by something very real but not outwardly visible—they are programmed to expect their partners to be loving and responsive and don’t worry much about losing their partners’ love.