Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Revised and Updated)

the word intention is more helpful than goal, though we can use both. Intention allows more room for freedom of spirit, creativity, and everyday miracles. Intention puts control into the back seat (or trunk)—where it belongs.

Don’t ever abandon your soul and self-love for any relationship or job. Bring your beautiful self to each thing you do and each human and creature you interact with. When we do this, we create a beautiful life.

Whether the globe of your life shatters in one moment or develops fault lines and cracks slowly, trauma is about more than endings; it’s the beginning of transformation. The purpose of the shattering isn’t to stay broken; we can allow ourselves to be transformed and even take an active role in that transformation.

“I didn’t know I was wounded,” said one sufferer. “I just limped when I walked.”

(1) name three things you can see, (2) name three things you can hear, and (3) move three body parts until you can feel them (hand, arm, foot, leg—any body part will do). We’re right where we need to be, each moment in time. We’re not missing out.

Be flexible and willing to start over as often as needed. GOGI—Getting Out by Going In—refers to getting out of any prison we find ourselves in by going within.

After a while, we can become so used to involving our emotions with problems and crises that we get and stay involved with problems that aren’t our concern. We may even start creating drama or making troubles greater than they are to stimulate ourselves. This is especially true if we have neglected our own lives and feelings. When we’re involved wi

Communication isn’t mystical. The words we speak reflect who we are: what we think, judge, feel, value, honor, love, hate, fear, desire, hope for, believe in, and commit to.3 If we think we’re not up to the task of living our lives, our communication will reflect this. We will judge others as having all the answers; feel angry, hurt, scared, guilty

Many of us have learned to run from closeness rather than take the risks involved. We run from love or prevent closeness in many ways. We push people away or do hurtful things to them so they won’t want to be close to us. We do ridiculous things in our minds to talk ourselves out of wanting to be close. We find fault with everyone we meet; we rejec