The language of “deserving” and “entitlement” and its offshoots—such as the now ubiquitous term “self-care,” used to validate virtually any self-indulgent behavior as some progress toward the greater good—sounds very much like the language used by so many of the people I speak with who’ve had ruinous affairs. They rationalize their behavior as some

So many people naively think they will meet a kindred spirit who will never have an argument with them—only gentle disagreements that will work out easily in a spirit of mutuality. And they are devastated or lose hope when they find themselves having long-term conflicts over responsibility, control, and freedom.