Sublime

Each of us has infinite roles and identities. But we typically think of just a few, maybe only one, when we say, “This is what I am.” This “primary identity” shapes our place in the world, dictates many of our actions, helps us feel that our lives are grounded and meaningful.

First, we must become the observers of our suffering, instead of drowning in it like swimmers sucked into a maelstrom. Second, we must question each belief that traps us in misery until we figure out where it diverts us from our sense of truth. At that point, our infernal chains break, and step three—moving on—is almost automatic.

am successful on my own terms. Because if your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all. ANNA QUINDLEN

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve coached people who seemed to live right up near the

If you’ve lost your true path and are unsatisfied with life, it’s quite probable that, like Linda, you’re doing psychological obeisance to someone who really doesn’t deserve it. In this chapter, we’re going to break the trance that may be holding you in thrall to a less-than-desirable Everybody.

When Square Four starts to feel so comfortable it lacks a sense of challenge, take up something you can’t do at all, like auto repair or the Finnish language. Build your own laser or log cabin. Write a novel and self-publish it on the Internet. List five things you’d like to know how to do and do one a year for five years.

In and out of romantic relationships as a young adult, I kept finding myself in the

I’ve come to believe that we all carry clear, precise maps of our futures inside us. Of course, it may be simply that we build expectations, based on our observations and inclinations, and then make them happen. Or, who knows: Maybe chunks of our subconscious minds exist outside of linear time, in sync with all the information in the universal “

Once you’re in Square Four, your definition of a turtle step (the largest amount of work your essential self can do easily) will begin to cover more and more territory.