Sublime

Children become attached to whoever functions as their primary caregiver. But the nature of that attachment—whether it is secure or insecure—makes a huge difference over the course of a child’s life. Secure attachment develops when caregiving includes emotional attunement. Attunement starts at the most subtle physical levels of interaction between

It’s worth repeating that this sense of security provided by the relationship, this secure base, is what makes it safe for the child to explore the world. When we have a safe place to come back to, we can leave, just as when we are securely held, we don’t need to cling. Research shows that secure babies explore when they feel safe and seek connecti

She is what I call the Teaching Mommy, meaning that she is there to model this, to show your adult self how to do it.

The truth about children is that they are here to meet their needs, not ours. Some parents don’t realize this and think that children should be willing to act against their self-interest, give up what they want most, and do whatever a parent asks.

When parents are able to reliably respond to their child’s emotional and physical needs, that child is able to learn over time that what she feels can be communicated, and responded to.

More children are removed from homes because of neglect than because of violating abuse. If you want to see clearly what happens to infants and young children when connection is withheld, watch any of Dr. Ed Tronick’s “still face” experiments on YouTube.

The question, as always, is how do they do it? The answer, as in the last chapter, is that they are born knowing a great deal, they learn more, and we are designed to teach them.