Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class

But other adopted people seldom ask me about whether I’ve tried to find my birth parents, and when they do, they’re never surprised when I say I haven’t. Why try to find someone who did not want you in their life?

Many students would routinely claim that systemic forces were working against them, yet they seemed pleased to demonstrate how special they were for rising above those impediments.

Unfortunately, like fashion trends that debut on the runway and make it into JCPenney three years later, the luxury beliefs of the upper class often trickle down and are adopted by people lower on the food chain, which means many of these beliefs end up causing social harm.

You can commit a lot of crimes before finally getting caught. You can do a lot of drugs before they start to take over your life. You can have a lot of hookups before confronting the consequences of pregnancy. For many young people, the gap between impulsive and unwise decisions and the consequences of those decisions is large.

Motivation is just a feeling. Self-discipline is: “I’m going to do this regardless of how I feel.”

A 2018 study found that people typically pursue higher levels of education because they believe it will lead to more leisure time. But, in fact, more educated people tend to have less leisure time.13 They earn more money, but also work more hours. This upends their expectations and ends up having a net zero effect on overall happiness.

Credentials and money are not antidotes to the lingering effects of childhood maltreatment.

The human mind is a remarkable contraption, great at keeping us psychologically buoyant in periods of chaos and allowing us to pay the price later, once the storm has settled.

Near the end of my internship, I was out in the playground helping a few kids dig a hole in the sand pit. One of the boys mentioned he’d gone out to eat with his family the night before. “What did you have for dinner?” I asked. “Arugula salad,” he replied. “But usually I get squid ink.” I didn’t know what surprised me more—the choice of food or the