The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self

Our culture defines “success” as rising through bureaucracies, so these people didn’t understand why they’d suddenly gone from high performance to crashing and burning. But from my perspective, these “inexplicable” failures made obvious sense: Edgar loved literature, not running a magazine. Chloe loved being out in the woods alone, not sitting arou

when we hope for something that doesn’t trigger the ring of truth inside us, we split from reality. We hope that things aren’t as they already are. At that point, we’ve begun the cold war with reality that psychologists call “denial.”

Considering this painful thought, ask the following four questions. Don’t give answers that are quick or glib: if you want freedom from suffering, let the questions sink into your consciousness and notice what arises from deep within you. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.) Can I absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.) How do I

Everyone who decides to embrace integrity must mourn the known misery, the familiar patterns and dysfunctional relationships they’ve left behind.

Pain comes from events, while suffering comes from the way we handle events—what we do about them and, especially, what we think about them.

This violates what psychiatrist Alice Miller calls the cardinal rule of all cultures: DON’T EVER MENTION THE RULES. In other words, never articulate that there’s an unspoken code everyone in the room has been trained to follow.

For an American, admitting to such total ignorance is anathema. We aim to know everything. We’re socialized to think that not knowing is stupid and shameful. But in traditions like Zen, “don’t know mind” refers to a way of thinking that’s free from rigid concepts, as clear and fluid as air.

When you pursue a career that pulls you away from your true self, your talent and enthusiasm will quit on you like a bored intern. Every task will feel as distasteful as poisoned food, and leave you just as weak. You’ll probably have a sequence of mistakes and unlucky breaks at work (actually these are lucky breaks, your true self stopping you from

“Know what you really know, feel what you really feel, say what you really mean, and do what you really want.”