The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work: A practical guide from the international bestselling relationship expert

(Be careful not to address any issues right before bedtime. This could interfere with your sleep.)

They assume the best about each other and their relationship.

The best soft start-up has four parts: (1) “I share some responsibility for this . . .” (2) Here’s how I feel . . . (3) about a specific situation and . . . (4) here’s what I need . . . (positive need, not what you don’t need).

The first step in dealing with flooding is to end the discussion. Now. If you keep going, you’ll find yourself exploding at your partner or imploding (stonewalling), neither of which will get you anywhere. Don’t think, “We’ll take a break as soon as I’ve made my point,” because you’ll end up never taking a break at all. Just. Stop. Let your spouse

One common form of defensiveness is the “innocent victim” stance, which often entails whining and sends the message: “Why are you picking on me? What about all the good things I do? There’s no pleasing you.”

Reunions. We recommend a hug and a kiss that lasts at least six seconds. The six-second kiss is worth coming home to.

harsh start-up simply dooms you to failure. So if you begin a discussion that way, you might as well pull the plug, take a breather, and start over.

You have to let your partner know that you fully understand and empathize with the dilemma. Only then will he or she be receptive to suggestions.

To this day, the male cardiovascular system remains more reactive than that of the female and slower to recover from stress.