The Science of Likability: 27 Studies to Master Charisma, Attract Friends, Captivate People, and Take Advantage of Human Psychology

The latter pair were investigating Benjamin Franklin’s claim that he could easily turn an enemy into a friend with one simple act—asking them for a favor.

Ask them for something that will take no longer or shorter than three minutes. Don’t burden them unnecessarily, but don’t make it seem like you are hopeless and helpless.

People’s moods and memory are highly linked. If you get a clear idea that someone is in need of a mood boost, you can talk about things, people, and events that were present when they were in fabulous moods. Reference their greatest triumphs or fondest memories.

Talk to people in terms of what makes them happy. It’s not a radical notion, but it’s not one we are taught to consider.

At least, mentally. Keeping score as to the equality of your relationships will make you more likable. When you externally acknowledge equity theory and make it known you are fighting your human tendency to take as much as possible, people will take notice. If you can keep yourself accountable and actively seek to even the score, you become more li

Why do we do this? Because we are instinctually seeking out similarities and common ground. We want to find a connection and point of reference from which to evaluate other people as quickly as possible so we know whom we are talking to. We make judgments on people very quickly, and if they are similar to us, our judgments will tend to be more posi

Here’s the thing about transactions: they only feel good if they are relatively equal. One-sided deals or relationships feel bad. We’re happiest when the give and take, or cost and benefit, are roughly equal.

We are constantly at war between these two conflicting desires: for the most possible and for relative equality. Therefore, one of the foundations of friendship is a feeling of equality.

We tend to gravitate toward people who make us feel good and away from things that hurt us. We also gravitate toward people and things associated with the people who make us feel good, and this is called classical conditioning.